my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize