There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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