I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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