you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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