Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize