remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize