yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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