Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
