GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize