I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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