I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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