Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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