Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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