i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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