Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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