I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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