I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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