Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He felt like a one man threesome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize