Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (831)

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  There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy

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  (831): There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy http://tfl.nu/iwg7
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  high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.

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  (831): high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth. http://tfl.nu/l561
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  The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.

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  (831): The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/bj5u
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  She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs

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  (831): She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs http://tfl.nu/k6rx
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  maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick

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  (831): maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick http://tfl.nu/1wa4
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  Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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  (831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9
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  please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

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  (831): please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom http://tfl.nu/23l0
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  Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"

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  (831): Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?" http://tfl.nu/5mox
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  So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.

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  (831): So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/tpz4
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  No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.

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  (831): No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone. http://tfl.nu/jc2m
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  So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...

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  (831): So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me... http://tfl.nu/3wpt
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  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

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  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
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  I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

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  (831): I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency" http://tfl.nu/zhku
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  It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics

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  (831): It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics http://tfl.nu/i199
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  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

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  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
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