Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (831)

Last Night in California (831)

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theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

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(831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8

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just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf

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(831): just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf http://tfl.nu/faeb

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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

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(831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1

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Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC

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Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

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(661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. http://tfl.nu/up2g

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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

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(831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2

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There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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(831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax

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Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?

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(831): Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21? http://tfl.nu/gpnq

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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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(831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9

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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics

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(831): It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics http://tfl.nu/i199

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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night

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(831): It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night http://tfl.nu/8gcp

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I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE

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(831): I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/5c8q

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i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3

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(831): i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3 http://tfl.nu/5ewa

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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

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(831): please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom http://tfl.nu/23l0

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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?

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(831): i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock? http://tfl.nu/twxe

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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

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(831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z

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Last Night in California (831)

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