Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (865)

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  you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?

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  (865): you can't get genital warts from dogs can you? http://tfl.nu/z1i1
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  I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

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  (865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it. http://tfl.nu/q5jx
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  He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears

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  (865): He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears http://tfl.nu/nyec
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  that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.

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  (865): that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is. http://tfl.nu/8h8l
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  i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat

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  (865): i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat http://tfl.nu/yw7h
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  Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.

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  (865): Now go wash the fat girl off your hands. http://tfl.nu/sym9
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  In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

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  (865): In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly. http://tfl.nu/9uwy
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  I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth

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  (865): I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth http://tfl.nu/mdm2
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  I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...

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  Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again

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  (865): I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out... (615): Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again http://tfl.nu/gvsb
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  you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?

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  (865): you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him? http://tfl.nu/jkhm
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  I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.

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  (865): I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen. http://tfl.nu/w8us
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  He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.

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  (865): He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dj4z
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  Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.

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  (865): Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all. http://tfl.nu/2gc2
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  Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.

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  (865): Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night. http://tfl.nu/cs1a
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  i just google imaged poop.

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  (865): i just google imaged poop. http://tfl.nu/6d8g
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