Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Nevada (702)

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

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  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
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  well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?

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  (702): well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right? http://tfl.nu/0mj4
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  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

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  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

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  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?

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  (702): So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night? http://tfl.nu/xjy9
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  i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life

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  (702): i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life http://tfl.nu/bh2z
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  Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.

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  (702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar? (1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry. http://tfl.nu/t675
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  he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.

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  (702): he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome. http://tfl.nu/3i6t
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  it was like having sex with a tree stump

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  (702): it was like having sex with a tree stump http://tfl.nu/4ao5
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  the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.

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  (702): the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral. http://tfl.nu/20j6
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  omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.

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  (702): omg a stripper jus od'd on stage. http://tfl.nu/hgsr
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  I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.

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  (702): I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks. http://tfl.nu/qdu7
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  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

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  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
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  That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!

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  (702): That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked! http://tfl.nu/4dq3
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  He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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  (702): He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form. http://tfl.nu/7sev
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  Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.

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  (702): Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog. http://tfl.nu/spgx
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