I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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