oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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