Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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