I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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