I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize