I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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