it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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