Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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