he wants to bone in the snuggie
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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