Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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