I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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