dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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