i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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