I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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