brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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