the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize