dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize