You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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