I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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