Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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