If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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