I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize