Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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