you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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