If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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