I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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