I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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