Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
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Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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