White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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